"Scared to Feel"

In the closet of his bedroom, on a pair of iPhone 4 headphones, Frant!k recorded his most recent song “Scared to Feel” before uploading it later that day onto his SoundCloud account. Although at home, in a small town right outside of Richmond, Frant!k goes by a different name: Adam Kirkman.

“Scared to Feel” is a song where the production is almost a direct image of the lyrics themselves. Frant!k makes the message of his song very clear in the beginning by jumping straight into his haunting chorus: “I’ve been scared to feel because I know it’s going to hurt… I lost my homie on June 23rd and I was so scared about July 21st, same damn day two years in a row, it was me trying to leave this f*cking Earth.” The lyrics are clear, with no need for interpretation to find out what Frant!k is talking about, but it is the information that you don’t hear in this song that speaks the loudest.

Like many SoundCloud accounts, Frant!k uses an outside source for his beats although his understanding of each individual note is as if he spent time creating them himself. The raw sound that he is able to achieve as a self-taught, eighteen-year-old carries him through every beat of the bass and he picks it back up again and again with the skill of a seasoned professional. This juxtaposition is exactly what SoundCloud thrives on, making it a wonder why you have never heard of Frant!k until now.

Frant!k may be an unrecognizable name, but his story is one that many can understand. A young kid from a small town finding solace and comfort in music through periods of loneliness and depression is Frant!k’s and it is laced in double and triple meanings throughout his new song. “Scared to feel” those moments of weakness. “Scared to feel” like he might not be able to make it through the day. As the song grows, so does Frant!k’s volume. Literally screaming in the song at some moments to being quiet in others, you can feel how scared he is. And, perhaps, you begin to feel it as well. Frant!k starts his first verse off explaining his relationship with music to battle being alone writing “I never had a big brother nobody protecting me… I never had a crew… I’ve been along my whole life nah its cool, close the door on the way out my f*cking room.” However, the listener can tell that his catharsis will only go but so far. His voice breaks, he apologizes for it, but the loss of hope is too clear. Lost hope that he his apology will go unheard. Lost hope that his feelings will go unnoticed. It says a lot that Frant!k is willing to be so open as if maybe this time, through a medium that is there to heal him, will be a listener that is too. There is a humanity in Frant!k’s song- one that hits you hardest when you know Frant!k as just Adam.

I met Adam for the first time when he was hired at the same job as me. After getting to know each other, Adam and I noticed each other’s love for music and he decided to share his SoundCloud username with me. With barely 1,000 plays on even his most popular songs, Adam is not even close to taking over the Trending page anytime soon, but there is something in his music that has stayed with me and made me a fan in the least expected way. It is through my knowledge of Adam as not just a SoundCloud rapper, but as a friend, that I am able to gain this deeper understanding of his music. It would be my goal that others have this same relationship that I am lucky to have so they too can have the same appreciation for someone who is using music to heal, learn, and most importantly feel- even when they’re scared.