Growing Up Army

November 2023 will mark my sixth year of being a part of the BTS ARMY. If you had asked me in 2017 if I thought I would still be a fan six years later, I likely would have said no because I didn’t believe anything would be able to capture my attention for that long. In a way I wasn’t exactly wrong in feeling like that, but as I reflect on the ARMY that I am today I want the chance to explain why.

A year ago, when BTS announced their hiatus due to their required military service, I was heartbroken. Not because I was upset they were leaving (I had always known they would go eventually), but rather because I was then forced to come to terms with my own life. BTS had been a staple in my life for so many years, I did not want to think about what it meant if they were not. And I really didn’t want to think about the person I might be when they get back.

Over the past year since the announcement, I suppose in a way my fears did come true. I am a different person. They are also different people and the fact is that when they come back together in 2025, we will both have changed. But one thing that I have failed to consider about the five years prior is that we were changing then too. Previously I hadn’t considered the fact that they were becoming different versions of themselves, growing into their tastes, trying out new things, and evolving as human beings. I suppose I saw it a little bit - I definitely noticed when Jungkook emerged from their pandemic hiatus with an arm full of tattoos and as Namjoon began to post his numerous trips to art museums. I saw them, but at that moment, I didn’t really recognize what was happening. It is similar to not being able to see your own changes until one day you look in the mirror and realize you grew up. You have a job or a family or a different mindset. I was growing up with them, parallel to them, and in real time I was watching people that I only know parasocially grow and change.

BTS is not the only example I have of this. When I began to watch Cody Ko and Noel Miller on YouTube I was probably in my late years of high school. I started, of course, with their “That’s Cringe” videos and slowly found myself tuning into the podcast almost every week. I had listened to them open up more and more about their personal lives, leading to me watching them quite literally go from bachelors, to meeting their girlfriends, adopting their dogs, getting engaged, and to now, both of them married men. Through the years, I have listened to way too many episodes of Noel talking about his love for racing and Cody going from his hobby of surfing to training for triathlons and completing an Iron Man. These things never felt like big life events for me, I mean, I just listen to their content when I am eating or bored. But as time has gone by, I look at my screen these days and can’t help but think about the way I have gotten to share in their milestones.

It is a weird feeling, for sure, but a special one as well. In a recent episode of SUGA’s talk show “Suchwita,” SUGA confided in that week’s guest, Jungkook, that as he looks out at the crowd during his solo concerts, he sees the way that we as fans have gotten older alongside them. I can imagine that it feels as weird as I feel about watching them get older. It is a strange feeling to look at the posters on my wall and realize those are not the same men that I see on stage. That they haven’t been those people for years.

I don’t know these men in real life. I don’t know anything about their personal relationships or their friendships or what they talk to their families about. I am simply a fan or a supporter at most. These men don’t know me. They don’t know my name and haven’t ever seen my face, yet they know that I am there in a broad sense, supporting them to do what they do. And in return for my support, I get to be entertained. It’s not an overly complicated system, but as the line between celebrity and person blurs it can get muddy. With the use of social media, both by celebrity and fan, it is too common these days to watch the dynamic get extremely complicated. Fan culture is evolving, becoming a monster that has led to numerous celebrities falling off after seemingly huge success. They open themselves up too willingly to their fans and their fans take more and more until there's nothing left but a human. And who wants to idolize a human?

As I get older, I feel privileged to have been walking alongside these people for so long. They have brought me joy, made me laugh, made me genuinely happy in the moment. At this point, I will probably always carry a piece of them with me and I will probably always engage with their content. I will watch them become fathers and I will play their songs at my wedding. There is a peace in knowing this, a peace that I didn’t feel a year ago because I was scared about what was to come. But, how lucky I am that I get to be with them for these moments of their life? What more could you ask for?